Craziest Sex Toys

(WARNING: May contains graphic images as well as sexual language that may be unsuitable for some people.)

In the pursuit of satisfying ourselves, history has shown that we may know no bounds for our thirst for pleasure. Leave it to human ingenuity to invent some very strange items to satisfy our sexual desires. While there may have been as many bizarre inventions as there are stars in the sky, we decided to list just a few notable items, and not all of them are from ancient times! Here are a few crazy sex toys for people with penises and some interesting stories behind them.


Goat Eyelid Cock Ring

Even though this item dates back to the Song Dynasty in China (960-1279 CE), it is still sold over the internet today. The goat's eyelid is made into a ring, usually still with the eyelashes attached to stimulate the partner. From reading current websites where goat cock rings are being sold online, the ring is usually soaked in water first before attaching. Not something we want to try that “baaa-dly”, but it is available online.

Burmese Bells

You may have heard of Ben Wa balls, which are balls inserted into the vagina in order to stimulate, but Burma Bells, or Burmese Bells, are said to have been made from metal and inserted into the urethra of the penis in order to experience a different kind of stimulation. 

Possibly originating in Southeast Asia around the fourteenth century. Today, there is still a version of this item, sometimes called a urethral plug, and the act of inserting this tool is called urethral sounding. While we can neither recommend nor discourage the act of urethral sounding, we strongly advise using only items that have been made specifically for this purpose.



The Spanking Machine

photo courtesy of Google Patents

Ever have times when you want to get a good spanking, but there’s no one around? Probably not, but if there were ever a time when you felt that way, there’s a machine for that! The Combined Lifting and Spanking Machine was patented in 1909 and apparently it was invented for hazing and initiation rituals, although if you think about the bigger picture, this device can be used for other purposes. We thought we'd add this in here because, well, there may be someone out there who has an interest. After all, it did receive a patent.

Sex Dolls

photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Although some of the first sex dolls may have been made in the sixteenth century for sailors off on long voyages, the modern-day version has evolved to such a degree that at first glance, you may mistake one for a living person. They can be made to pose in various positions. The only thing you might not be able to do is change their facial expression. But that isn't what you're looking at, is it? Who knows, with technology moving as fast as it is, you may find your doll winking at you someday!

King Edward VII's Love Chair

photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

We put this in because it has somewhat of an interesting story behind it. King Edward VII (King Charles III's great-great-grandfather) loved two things, food and women. The food part gave him a large girth which became an obstacle when pleasing the ladies. In order to gain maximum pleasure, he had a special chair constructed to help resolve his bulging barrier issue. 

The "love chair" allowed him to pleasure one, or two, partners at once. While we weren't there at the time, we can only imagine how this was done. Incidentally, one of the King's favorite partners was known to be Alice Keppel, who happens to be the Queen Consort Camilla's great-grandmother. You heard that right, Charles' great-great-grandfather and Camilla's great-grandmother hooked up!

In Summary

We hope you enjoyed this little trip down kinky memory lane. Maybe one day someone reading this article will invent something even wilder and more outlandish! Even though some of these items mentioned here may not be your cup of tea, we hope you will find your own pleasure as well as some good, clean fun! If you liked this article, please visit our TENGA website for some great deals on some amazing pleasure products, less crazy than the ones mentioned in this article, but still crazy fun!

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