How to Hide Jerking Off - Discreet Ways to Self Pleasure
Masturbation, it's obviously your right to feel good and enjoy yourself. You're not hurting anyone, and you're just making yourself feel better. You should be able to do it anytime you feel like, right?
Well, despite all the positives you get from it, we still tend to feel a bit embarrassed if someone does find out about us jerking off. Everybody is doing it, but no one wants to be the center of attention when it comes to self-pleasure. So unless you're one of those brave souls that has had enough and wants to scream and shout "Yeah, I jerk off," we have some tips to keep it discreet.
Because, quite frankly, it's your own business and nobody needs to know!
Someday, in a more perfect world, things could be different. We may no longer have to hide that we partake in self-pleasure. But until that day, we want to help you find your safe space
Take it from the people who have taken self-pleasure to a whole new level. We'll help you hide your jerk off. So relax and enjoy!
Contents
Finding the Time
Given the hectic pace of modern life, finding inner peace is essential. Short attention spans and demands to get things done sooner have caused us to overload our schedules and tax our capacities to make ends meet. If you feel you are drowning in a pool of stress, we urge you to find the time for self-pleasure so you can get some balance back in your life.
Please note that these are all suggestions, and everyone's schedules and time constraints are different. But when we talk about self-pleasure, we are not just talking about the act of masturbating, we are also referring to the release of hormones and chemicals we've mentioned in the past that can help you make the rest of your day a whole lot more pleasant.
If you feel you don't even have the time for self-pleasure, or if you thought you could pleasure yourself at the end of the day, but just found yourself way too tired to even move, then is it possible to schedule a short session during the day?
Do you work remotely, or perhaps your schedule is more hybrid, working remotely on some days and in the office the rest of the week?
Put a big "M" on your schedule, or "SP" (for self-pleasure), to indicate that this is the time you have dedicated for yourself. Again, you do not need to let others know about it or what that time is for. Just be with yourself at that specified time. You don't necessarily need to always masturbate during that time either. Just take that time to regroup your thoughts and chill. A nice cup of your favorite drink (probably non-alcohol) would also be a nice touch.
Note: DO NOT add it to your work calendar that you may share on something like Google Calendar.
However, given constraints on schedules, we understand that midday may not work for you. We just thought we'd put it out there. There are other times of the day that may be more private and convenient to masturbate for you.
For example:
- Early in the morning, say about an hour before everyone wakes up.
- Late at night when everyone is fast asleep. You may want to wait 30 minutes to an hour after everyone’s bedtime just in case someone has to go to the bathroom or gets thirsty.
- Shower time, which necessitates washing down there, right? Just take a little longer to get yourself "clean".
- Leaving later, or coming home earlier, than everyone else. Of course, you don't want to be late for work, but is there time?
- Have you ever considered taking the day off when you’re feeling stressed? Would a day off help to feel better? Check if your office has a mental health day allowance.
Since you probably do care about not getting caught in the act, it’s good to be aware of the schedules of those around you and when slots of time are available for your "me time." It’s not like you have to set your self-pleasure time in stone, but it does help to know about when the people in your life come and go. It will save you from many awkward moments (perhaps more embarrassing for them than for you).
But seriously, do find the time. If you don’t do it now, when will you ever find the time? Things do get better when you are less stressed - your outlook, your ability to view issues in a more productive and positive way. Don't be surprised to see rainbows and unicorns appear when you've happily jerked off. Who knows, maybe it'll make you a nicer person (no guarantees, and you may already be pretty nice).
Finding the Place
Finding a safe, discreet location that no one will bother you can be the greatest challenge, especially if you live with family. And, of course, we cannot recommend self-pleasure at the office, or some public location if the rules do not allow it. That would not only be unsafe, but could be grounds for your dismissal as well as being paid a visit by the police. This leaves your home as the most likely place where you can find seclusion. But, of course, as we mentioned, if you have roommates or family living with you, life can be a bit crowded.
Besides finding the right time, choosing the right place is important. Some suggestions are:
- Your bathroom, when taking a bath or shower
- Your own garage
- Your own room - if you don't share. If you do, then find the best time to be alone.
- In your basement, if you have a basement or den, where you can find some privacy
- In your hotel room - is there a conference you need to attend? Maybe before you go to the breakfast buffet. You might be too stuffed to move at all afterwards!
As you can see, your choices will vary whether you are living in an apartment or a house. Just remember the Golden Rule: masturbation should be enjoyed in private places where you can feel comfortable as well as not creating an uncomfortable environment for others.
Finding Safe & Discreet Products
When it comes to using discreet items to help with your self-pleasure, there's no one better at creating toys than TENGA. We have masturbators that fit in your pocket or bag and are ready to use and are easily disposed of. Did we mention they're also very affordable? Let's take a look at a few.
POCKET TENGA
One of our most discreet pocket masturbators is the POCKET TENGA. It is a series of single-use disposable sex toys featuring a super-stretchable material, designed to fit almost any size. They have been designed to fit in your pocket or any kind of bag you may use to travel around with. Moreover, the packaging is resealable, making it both easy to use and easy to dispose of.
TENGA EGGs
One of our most popular items, the TENGA EGGs is also made of super-stretchable material and designed to fit almost any size. And it's shaped like an egg. Who doesn't like eggs? Crack open a TENGA EGG and have a little fun! Just like the POCKET TENGA, the EGGs have been designed to be used by stretching for complete coverage or, if preferred, limiting the stroking sensation to only the head of the penis for more direct stimulation.
TENGA UNI
The TENGA UNI is one of our newer disposable items. The UNI provides personal pleasure, no matter what your gender. And it’s portable. Our gem-themed UNIs are not just pretty to look at, their gem textures stimulate in very different ways! You can try one, or get the 4-pack and have fun, day and night.
iroha petit
This may be considered more of a women's item, but the iroha petit can also be used for men, or with partnered play. The petit will give you a feel different from silicone, as the petit is made from agar, and consists of 98% water, providing a smooth, gliding and gentle touch on your skin and erogenous zones. It's disposable and easy to use.
Covering Your Ass (and all your other Intimate Areas)
Even with the best laid plans something could go wrong. You hear the door start to unlock and the doorknob is turning. Someone has come home earlier than expected. Or your roommate accidentally opens the bathroom door and finds your pants down to your ankles.
What do you do? You're naked and it's a bit too late to get dressed. Time to think on your feet!
First of all, make sure you have a towel or blanket handy to cover up. Spontaneous moments of jerking off are exciting, but a little planning goes a long way.
It's times like these where it’s very handy to have some prepared responses under your belt. Here are some possible excuses you can use depending on what stage they catch you (humorous):
- "Wow, it was really hot! Think ‘the boys’ have cooled off enough." (Maybe can't use in the winter, unless you're visiting Australia)
- "I was just about to jump in the shower. Care to join me?" (That second part is optional. It was meant to throw them off-guard, although it may backfire!)
- "I kind of sharted in my pants and was about to change" (Not sure which is more embarrassing, this response or getting caught jerking off. When you reach a certain age, though, this response actually becomes more believable.)
- "You don't happen to have a tape measure, do you?" (We don't need to explain, do we?)
- "Man, I really itch! Got any lotion?" (Again, not sure which is more embarrassing)
- "Oh, you're early. I was just about to work on my self-portrait for my art project." (Make sure you at least have some paper and crayons around, also helps if you’re actually attending art class!)
- "Since I've been on an all-natural diet, just thought I'd also go au naturel" (If you don't know any French, like me, run that through a translation site)
Jokes aside, you could always come clean and admit you've been jerking off. Chances are, you are not the only one with urges and desires that need to be fulfilled. You may get some sympathy and understanding from the one who caught you. After all, it could always happen to them as well! Honesty has its merits, but it's up to you.
Flying at Half Mast
Also, whether the excuse works or not, you have another problem to deal with: what to do with that boner? Although your erection may have gone down a bit, if it's still semi-erect, here’s something you could try. Think of things that have nothing to do with sex - like baseball, cooking, or the economy (Quick—how did the subprime mortgage market contribute to the Lehman Brothers Collapse?). Huh? What? What does that have to do with… (Look down) Oh, I get it! Did it work? Anything to get your mind off of sex for now.
The Truth Is…
Admittedly, a lot of what we’ve said is more "tongue in cheek" than truly viable excuses you could use, although you never know, they might work. The key is to find a large pocket of time in a safe, private place. That could be very different for everyone. If you do find yourself exposed and vulnerable to someone, at least make sure it is someone who cares about you and hopefully knows you well enough to know who you are outside of your self-pleasure sessions. That's probably all you can do. And remember, this too shall pass! It might even start a conversation about masturbation that you may have found taboo in the past. What an ice breaker!
And we all know that the truth is almost everyone has jerked off and is probably still doing it! So hopefully that should make it less embarrassing for you.
We hope that this article has given you some ideas about hiding your jerk off. We just want to make sure jerking off remains safe and satisfying for all! However, if you do get awkwardly caught in the act by someone, don’t worry too much. As weird a situation as it may seem at the time, this too shall pass. We’ve all been there. I doubt you or mankind will stop jerking off just because they were caught once or twice. We all love it, don't we?
And may we suggest the perfect companion to go with the perfect moment? Come visit the TENGA Store
