How to Be Good at Sex
When it comes to being "good at sex", what comes to mind? Is it about being able to give earth-shattering orgasms to your partner? Is it about creating cherished, lasting memories in bed? Or is it about creating the whole romantic story, from the beginning moments of seduction, leading to the delights of pleasure that tease and tantalize your significant other right up to the moment of climax? Perhaps it is all of the above. Whatever your ideal concept of good sex is, we want to help you achieve great success in this area of your life because having a great sex life can lead to a high level of confidence and satisfaction in yourself.
Although we can't give you every piece of advice that's ever been suggested, we can certainly steer you in the right direction. So let's get started!
Why Be Good at Sex?
So why be good at sex? What's the benefit? If you are single and unattached and just want to feel good with masturbation, maybe this does not matter much to you. You have your orgasm, take a nap, and look forward to the next session. However, as John Donne pointed out a few hundred years ago that "No Man (person) is an Island".
We are all connected and need each other. You may inevitably crave the connection of another person and possibly even want to share in the delightful feelings of pleasure. You might even find yourself making their needs a priority and wanting to please them and see them pleased. It enhances and solidifies our connection to someone else and allows you to feel a kind of love for another you might never feel by yourself.
What Makes Someone Good at Sex?
So now that we have sold you on the benefits of being good at sex, what really makes someone good at sex? While we are assuming partnered sex, there's definitely nothing wrong with going solo either. Being good at solo sex can, first of all, enhance your experience every time you masturbate, and secondly, train you in your efforts to be better at partnered sex. But for now, let's assume you want to be good at making someone else feel good, so in their eyes you are good at sex.
Have you ever noticed that a hot dog tastes so much better at a sports event, or a beer you are drinking is so much more satisfying at a live concert? Try to duplicate the joy with the exact same brands and ingredients, home alone on a dark rainy day, and you may find the results are okay, but far less satisfying. Why is this? Is it the hot dog and the beer itself? That’s not it, is it? It is, as some would call it, a matter of TPO (Time, Place and Occasion).
There is a right time to be in the right setting, which triggers all kinds of emotional memories of good (or bad) times and all the physical anchors which you have associated with it throughout the years. It can be very personal and maybe only you will identify with certain feelings attached to certain events. Maybe that is why special holidays, like Christmas, can trigger fun and excitement for some people, and depression in others.
It might be a good idea to talk with your partner and listen to them about what they like, where they like being touched, and what kind of romantic situations turn them on. It's all good information to have on hand when the right time, place and occasion just happen to appear and your opportunity to make some "sexy time" arrives.
But as many of us know from personal experience, just talking with your partner will not give you all the pieces to the puzzle. They may not even fully be aware of what they enjoy. Watching, hearing, being in tune with your partner as they react to you is also key to understanding. Just like the hot dog situation, you might want to ask them where they would be if they were fantasizing about the ideal spot for making love, the surroundings, time of day, noise in the background, etc. Being "good at sex" takes time. It is a labor of love, but with a tremendous return. So don't give up!
What Works (for Some of Us)
You may have realized that we are not really giving you any new advice. We are just reminding you of what you probably already know, or once knew. Communication is key to any relationship, and having great sex is no different. Just be sure you are asking the right questions.
We will, however, list a few things you could work on yourself that could also make the experience much more pleasurable for you and your partner:
- Taking A Solo Flight - As we mentioned earlier, going solo and working on your endurance can help when you are having partnered sex. TENGA has created items that feel as incredible, and can really help in preparing for you to last longer during intercourse.
- Pelvic Floor Muscles - We have also mentioned in previous blogs about strengthening your pelvic floor muscles and how it can help delay the urge to ejaculate. If you have not read up on it, here is the link.
- Asking for Directions - There's no harm in asking whether something you're doing feels good for your partner at that moment. Maybe you need to do more of it, or maybe it’s just a lead-in to something else they like. It'll be something worth remembering, and getting better at.
- Enjoying Yourself - There's no fun if you don't enjoy the moment either. Your loving partner would feel the same way. Just as you are trying to give pleasure, they are also wanting the satisfaction of giving you pleasure as well. Enjoy every moment of it and let them know!
By no means is this an exhaustive list. If we tried to list everything that people have said works for them, there may be no end!
Conclusion
If you're a TENGA customer, you are most likely aware that we have a User Manual for every product we make, and even a section on troubleshooting should you need that kind of help. Unfortunately, no one has created one for life, and especially one for good sex. You are going to have to write that manual yourself. As odd as it may sound, pleasure requires plenty of research and practice. The first step would be to know your partner better. Communication is the key to being a better lover and being good at sex. Fortunately, the journey definitely has some pleasurable and fun benefits!
